Ya’ll…really, bare with me for a minute. This parenting stuff is HARD! In my mind before I became a mother I (thought) I knew all of the things I wanted to do, teach and show our children. I just knew what things my mother did and didn’t do that I would bestow upon the little people entrusted to me by God. And I was HARD SET on a few things like education, biblical instruction and concepts of work and earning in relation to money. No spoiled, uneducated brats over here. Nope, not having it!
Now, four almost five years and two kids into this adventure called parenting and I feel like I have betrayed myself and standard in so many ways. But before I go into that let me stop- for those who may be where I am or understand how this feels and say, parenting is NOT ABOUT US. Ugh, I loathed typing those words almost as much I struggle coping with them. Why? Because society has bred in us the idea that we are our children and our children are us. They reflect our level of parenting and thereby are the living examples of all of our handwork and dedication. Guess what, that’s a lie! The older Rylie gets the more I realize that she is her own person and while I can guide, teach and correct she is ultimately going to act on her own accord. That doesn’t mean I didn’t give clear instruction or warning as her mother, it just means she made a choice.
We cannot be so caught up on the “I would never” that we forget that parenting is about what is going to be best for the generation we are brining up and not what best suits us as parents. I would love to be the homeschool mom who plays with her children, prepares healthy meals during the week and who also maintains her two part-time jobs without crying or losing it by bedtime some days. Oh and who serves her husband and tries to make his life less stressful. Volunteers and works out faithfully. Teaches Sunday School. Gives to the homeless. Have lunch dates with girlfriends. Read a book or shoot, just enjoy a slew of crafting hobbies and ventures all while looking put together. That’s not my reality. I am coming to grips with the fact that for me to make my priorities things I can do faithfully and with joy means changing.
It means some of my “nevers” are now more like “maybes” and “probablies” (I know that’s not a proper conjugate for probably but it has a flow I like so we’re going with it). Point is, parenting is like boot camp, very physical at times but always more mentally rigorous. And one day at a time we get through the battles to fight another day. But be willing to erase the nevers, which in turn seem to mostly eradicate the shoulda, coulda, wouldas that follow. What have you said you would never do as a parent and had to be flexible with later? I would love to hear how you overcame or are currently pushing through!