It has been a new season of life over my way and I have been slow to share it mostly because I am still walking through it and don’t want to make any assumptions on what is to come or hinder my own surrender. But as I was reading a few nights ago, I made a notation that is helping me answer a question I recently asked myself. Clearly, I have a lot of conversations with myself, don’t judge me. The question I posed to me, myself and I was this: Why do you seek the feeling of “new” by creating change in yourself, surroundings and experiences yet have such a hard time finishing and accepting change in yourself? Big question, with lots of parts-my brain is complicated like that.
While I am no where near truly having a complete answer to this, one of the things I did recognize in myself is the Fear of Missing Out (F.O.M.O). See, since early childhood I was the kid who fought sleep and strained to be a part of everything because I didn’t want to miss anything. I don’t know how this started and maybe it’s more of a personality trait than habit but the reality is, F.O.M.O has guided so many of my decisions through life that I became a people pleaser. I held on to things that should have been left in the dust long ago. And more importantly, I hindered myself from growth and maturity because I didn’t want to miss out on anything. Granted, there have been very few cherished moments, memories or accolades I have missed once I truly made up in my mind to move forward (but those thoughts still lingered). Have you ever been there, afraid of what you might miss?
I made the following notation when I received this epiphany:
“F.O.M.O-When we fear missing out on earthly experiences we relinquish the chance for Divine ones. Can’t seek to be a part of everything that seems rights without missing out on what is right.”
Seasons of extreme hair change, projects started and never finished and shelved ideas withering away in the pages of journals has kinda been my norm as an adult. I find one excuse (they seemed like reasons at the time, and I could probably spin a few words and make them sound legit now but this is a #truthmoment) or another as to what caused the gradual decline and eventual suicide of ideas. I have been so afraid of not being a part of things my human eyes and mind desired to participate in that I lost sight of what God has for me. I stopped pursuing the desires of His heart for my life and focused instead on what I thought would best suit my life and fancies in the moment.
We will all have to come to crossroads in life and decide which path to take. It is not always easy or crystal clear but take it from your girl-don’t just stand at the fork because the path you are feeling nudged to take seems lonely and bare and the other looks like a graduation after-party (full of people, celebrations and memories to capture). Both have destinations but sometimes, we need the discomfort of the unpaved and bare road to prepare us for the harvest ahead! Let’s all decide in our hearts that whatever we leave behind in the progression for pursuing God’s purpose is worth it and trust that He will reward our obedience exceedingly above what we could ask or think!